Johanna speaks about her Rite of Passage 

Amrita interviews Johanna who went overseas on Student Exchange for one year. She asked if she could interview me about Rites of Passage. This was for her Year 11 project. I said I would only let her interview me, if I could interview her first. I wanted her to discover what she already knew.

This is the result of our exciting sharing. Our time together became a journey in itself. I asked:

What do you consider a Rites of Passage to be?

Johanna answers: An event or an experience that marks your passage into a new stage of life.

What kind of an event or experience?

Something that is significant to you. Something that changes your outlook on life. I felt like when I went overseas, it was almost my Rites of Passage. I was alone there. It changed me in a way.

In what way did it change you?

My outlook on how I fit into my family and within all of my surroundings. I have taken more responsibility for myself. It was like I felt I had to go away from my family to find out what I could do. When I was here with my family I felt I could do that but I didn't, because everyone else was around me. I don't know why I felt like I had to go overseas. I applied when I was 14 and wasn't allowed to go because I was too young.

When I was first told I couldn't go I thought I should forget it. But I felt I needed to go. I applied again and it was amazing to be accepted. When I first moved to Australia I wasn‘t accepted. It took me four year to make friends. When I got to Germany everyone was so happy to see me. I immediately felt so close to everybody and when I met my host family, I felt I knew them already. The whole time I was there, I was another one of their daughters. It was beautiful.

I stayed with another German family for a holiday. They were really closed, that felt horrible. In the two weeks I was with them was the first time I experienced homesickness, or any feelings of doubt.

What aspects do you think might be important for a Rites of Passage to occur?

In your Rites of Passage you would need to feel some sort of support just in case you have difficulties, You can find support from family or your friends, or support within yourself. It's important to take risks - go into a void to find out how you will handle it. It's a challenge to discover something within yourself that you didn‘t know was there... that you weren't aware that was within you.

What do you think you gained from your Rites of Passage?

I feel more diverse within myself. I feel that I can handle most situations, or even that wherever I go I can make myself feel comfortable or at home. I was scared about going overseas, but when I got there all these old coats fell away.

Nobody expected anything from me. I felt I could be how I really am, not behaving to please to someone else. It felt really liberating. I didn't have to think I couldn't do things because everyone would be shocked. Instead everyone could accept that was just a part of me.

It was like a transition from my little Johanna, being the little one that everyone cuddled. I am still Johanna, but I feel stronger within myself.

Where are you not little Johanna?

If I have a problem I don‘t necessarily go directly to my parents, I try and work it out for myself. I feel more comfortable doing things more independently. I feel more assured of myself that I can stand on my own two feet.

Do you think there was a spiritual aspect to your Journey?

Yes! I remember when I was sitting in the airport in Sydney there was a group of nuns, Sisters of the Sacred Heart. One of them came and sat beside me and started telling me about this pilgrimage she was about to make to France. At first I didn't realise she was talking to me. She was 70.

She had never been out of NSW and she was so excited and she told me all the places she was going to. I remember she was telling me about always being in this one place. Flying out of Australia for the first time. She was going to Lourdes.

In my mind I saw Europe and all these little points of light... here she goes there she goes. She said that she really wanted to do this before she died. It really made me aware that I've got my whole life in front of me. There was this little old lady who just came and sat down next to me... so amazing.

It felt like the voice of God. It felt really special.

I remember going to the Alps with my host family. We arrived at about 8 at night. It was dark everywhere and it was so cold. I turned around and there was this huge black crag behind me. For a split second I felt this sense of the world as it is. How old it is. How it's all connected with everything.

That was one of the most powerful moments of my year away.

It feels like going away allowed you to connect with what's greater than you. How does that make you feel?

It makes me feel, less small. It makes me feel more a part of the whole picture. To see that there‘s all these things that are older and bigger and stronger than I am. But I was allowed to witness them. It was like I felt accepted into the world as a whole.

Were you aware of it at the time?

In a sense. When I was away I didn't feel different, but when I came back and I saw that things hadn't changed and I felt how I'd changed. For a while it was really difficult. When I first came back all my thoughts were still in Germany. I didn‘t feel myself as a part of this place. When I was flying home I was so scared about seeing my parents again. I was shaking.

For about a month I felt really sad and it took that long to feel really at home again. When I first came back my family expected me to be just the way I was before. For the first two for three months we fought a lot.

One night I sat down and cried and came to terms with what I had here and I also appreciated the new experiences that I had had overseas.

By being interviewed Johanna made her significant Rites of Passage conscious. She put the pieces in place in her mind and is now more aware of the power of her experience.

SHINING SON and RUNNING WATER is a styory about Initiation and Rites of Passage. It appears in GETTING REAL... about growing up!.